do I really have any friends?

Before I start the topic of this post I just want to say I am sorry I haven't been posting that much my life has just been crazy.

So last friday my school had field day, because you know we aren't high schoolers or anything we are still 1st graders, and I was left alone. I spent the whole day alone looking for someone to hang out with. During the middle of freshman year I got into a group of 4 girls counting me. M and I have been best friends since 8th grade and just got over are group of 7 braking up, F and I became friends at the beginning of freshman year and we really clicked, then J and I were never really friends but she was friends with my friends so all four of us became friends. Well, J is really mean to me and all ways leaves me out and is just plan rude to me, she also talks behind everyones back. I am trying to get away from her because she just makes me feel bad about myself and I don't need her in my life, but I don't want to start something with her so I am backing away slowly, M and F know this. So at field day M (who is really popular) was hanging out with her other friends and I tried to hang out with them but they are talking about things I don't know like inside jokes and people I have never heard of. Every time I saw F she was with J and I didn't want to hang out with her. So that wasn't a option, and I went to my friends that I talk to in class and stuff but they were hanging out with there friends and I didn't really feel wanted. So I sat at a random table at lunch and then instead of going back outside to the jumpys I went to the auditorium to watch the lion king, yes my school is that beast, and on the way up I saw M, F, and J holding hands and having a great time and I wondered do they even notice I am not there? Do I really have any friends? And I went up to watch the lion king and sat next to someone I haven't talked to since last year in art, and held in my tears. At intermission I went back down to the cafe to go to the ice cream bar and I found a girl I am friends with but only really at lunch cause thats the only time I see her, I am going to call her Z. I ate ice cream with Z and went and watched the rest on the movie with her. Z is a loner just like me. When school was over I went home and cried for hours and told my mom I wasn't going to home coming because know one would want me there. She made me call M and tell her what happened and she felt really sorry and she didn't know I was alone. Then her little sister who is a freshman got on the phone and tried to make me go. In the end they got me to go and at times the same thing happened and one of them would show up and pull me back in to the clump. It makes me wonder how many friends do I have? 2 or none?~Too School For Cool


  1. i totally feel like this some times..its so crappy and confusing...i sometimes wish people would be upfront with me , you know ? anyway add me ..

  2. for me your previous blog post is so true that is: This year I have lost so many friends but I never thought I would lose my best friend. I tried to get her to see I wasn't happy, trying to get her attention like a little puppy dog who you left home alone all day. But I am better than that right? I think I am better than that. So I told her that I was unhappy being her little puppy and always trying to get her attention even if it was just for a second. So I left it up to her to to come to me to be the one who picked up the phone first or send the first message I thought that would get my point across... Its been about two months since I told her how I feel and she hasn't done anything about it I am trying to move on I tell myself I don't need her that I am better on my own. But thoughts about her keep coming up like is she going to stab me in the back with my secrets? or What happened to the girl I used to know? All I keep thinking is did I make the right move telling her what I feel? But I keep pushing them down saying I did do the right thing but that little voice never leaves me. Never.